One of my really close friends observed my lethargic behavior a couple evenings ago and inquired as to what was wrong. I admitted that I was just really, really tired. There wasn't that much more to it, other than the change in the weather with the seasons beginning to transition has always had a profound effect on my mood, or so it would seem in my own self assessment. Yet I thought about what she said and realized that I had kind of retreated back into my own little world. I do that from time to time, whether I'm in public or not. I just sit...and stare. All of my first world problems [seem to] compound exponentially and weigh on my shoulders, and as a type of unconscious self-defense mechanism, I sort of shut down. I was never a psych major, but I'd say this isn't too far off the fight or flight beaten path. Anyway, she commented that she was somewhat impressed, or rather relieved that I wasn't just all positive go, go, go! energy --that when it came down to it I was human just like everyone else. I was taken aback --this was a pretty good friend. Did she really have that opinion of me? Do others as well?
I've never thought that I've portrayed myself as anything but genuine, and by that I mean that how I see myself in the mirror, faults and all, is how I think others see me. Of course this is a pretty naive viewpoint in the current era of social networks. Seriously though, I honestly haven't gone out of my way to play act as though I'm impervious to outside stressors...and that's why I use the word genuine. Of course can we be absolutely genuine if we actively "portray" any image at all? We can all fool ourselves and say that we don't actively seek to portray a type of self image, but that's like saying that you have no personal bias about anything. We are all biased in some way or another about something, no matter how insignificant that something might be in the vast setting of your life. In the same regard, we inadvertently portray who we want to be by acting out what we deem as our natural behaviors. However, I believe that we can change all learned behaviors with enough practice. That statement lends itself to being better worded as "with enough rehearsal," and that might infer active portrayal.
Okay...upon rereading all of that, I believe that it may be past my bedtime. And if you're still reading, surely I've provided you with a laugh or two, and you truly believe that I'm definitely human. In fact, a delirious one at that.
Suffice to say, I may or may not finish my scheduled blog post this weekend, but know that I'm shooting for it, and I hope that when they are posted, they inspire feedback and self reflection. Much love, peace, and restful sleep to all.
Singled Out Dad
