How many times can a person be knocked down and still get up? Can the human spirit weather storm after storm and remain dauntless in the face of continued adversity? Thirty-five year old New York City native Amanda Sullivan believes so. Actually, she knows it. Why? Because she has decided that it can.
During the final days of 2008, Amanda had just returned from Mexico to spend time with family for the holidays. She had been an aid worker for almost ten years throughout most of Latin America, and was helping to prepare the opening of a new shelter in the following months. She never expected to be the accidental victim in two separate accidents which would leave her with traumatic brain injury and permanent loss of the use of her right leg, along with with many other incidental injuries. She never expected to find herself surrounded once again by demons from the past that she had exorcised by helping others. She could either succumb to her emotional and physical battles, or rise above and conquer. To do this though she would have to learn to love herself all over again. It would begin by seeing her own smile.
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So
how is the weather there this morning?
It’s gorgeous! The snow is melting and it feels like at least fifty degrees, maybe even warmer.
Nice!
Where do you live in New York City?
Manhattan to be exact; Tribeca to be
even more exact, [laughs] a few
blocks from the World Trade Center.
How long have you lived there?
I was born in New York City and grew
up between here and Jersey, about thirteen miles west of Manhattan.
Okay,
so you're truly "home."
Yes!
What
drew you to your earlier humanitarian pursuits?
When I was growing up, my Mom was
the head of our local Red Cross Chapter. My father dressed up (and still
dresses up) as Santa during the holidays and visits dozens of orphanages,
shelters & nursing homes. We used to go with him to holiday parties and
stay to hang out, especially with the children after the parties would end. I
realized that the kids in those shelters were just like me, except for whatever
reasons they had ended up with no home or family to love them. I wanted to do
something to change that.
You
sounded very grounded and insightful for such a young age. Not many people
would have benefited from those experiences in the way that you did.
My dad was a big gun on Wall Street
and was doing amazing things. He got caught up in "the scene",
however, which was cocaine.
That's
an odd twist I didn’t see coming...I know this was many years ago, but let me
ask, is this public knowledge. I won’t print if it’s not…
You can print this. Most people
don’t know, but now they will. His addiction took control, and it took
everything superficial that we had. We wore donated clothes and thankfully came
from a community which picked us up when we needed it the most. I saw the
extreme disparity between the "haves" and "have-nots" at a
very young age. I saw how people treated us differently and watched my Mom cry
herself to sleep at night.
Observations
dearly bought, and such a credit to you to be able to reflect upon those times
in a positive light –definitely a tough transition for your family.
And unfortunately for me, all the parties brought less than
admirable people to my house when I was little. I was sexually abused from
about the age of seven until around the start of high school.
That is…horrible. I have difficulty
comprehending situations like that. Were you able to turn to anyone? And I know
you are very faith-based…did that come into play at all?
I used to pray to God at night to
please get me out of this situation and out of this hell. I made a promise with
Him that if he could help my heart to stay the same and help this to end, I
would dedicate my life to ensuring that no other child would have to cry
herself to sleep at night. Both of my grandmothers and my grandfather have
always been spiritual rocks for me. I was extremely blessed to have my Nana, my
mom’s mom, living with us since the day my twin brother and me were born.
That’s
truly a blessing to have had that spiritual foundation.
When we were at rock bottom,
economically, my Nana taught me life lessons that I will never forget. My Nana
showed me through example that we can move mountains within a person's soul
just by tapping into the wealth which exists within our hearts. She had a
calendar filled up with the birthdays, anniversaries, and the important dates
to remember of all of her widowed friends –little grannies who never received
visits or calls from their own families, and who were in desperate need of love
and attention. When my siblings and I finished our homework, my Nana would let
us chose one of her friends off the calendar and then make cards, cakes,
brownies, cookies, or just pick flowers for her. The joy and light this
showered onto their souls made my own heart feel light and happy again. Who
says that you need lots of time and money to change someone's day for the
better? It didn't matter what had happened the night before, because I knew
that the following afternoon would surely be filled with smiles. I began making
cards for the little grandmas late at night when there was a fight erupting
down stairs and began focusing on the positive blessings which surrounded my
life. I found my escape and a true serenity through these simple things.
I’m
speechless at how beautiful all of that is. And it is so beautifully ironic, to
be able to bring comfort, forged out of your own tribulations. And again,
especially at such a young age…
Every day I meet people who tell me
that one person can't make a difference. Although that might sound cliché, I truly
know that one person can make all the
difference in a person's world. To this day, I can recall the faces of people
who smiled at me, gave me twenty-five cents in front of the super market, or
handed me a new-looking hand-me-down t-shirt.
You're
absolutely right. Too many times we are all too ignorant of how much of an
impact we can make on someone’s life from just a single interaction. Is your
Nana still with you, or has she passed?
My Nana passed away when I was en route
to study abroad in Costa Rica while in college. Even though she was in perfect
health, she made me promise before I left for the airport that I wouldn't come
home if anything happened to her. She insisted that she would “be with me every
step of the way in Costa Rica.” I said, "I know, Nana! You'll be thinking
of me, and we'll write letters and talk on the phone." And she said,
"No, Mandy. I will be with you."
Needless to say, my heart broke into a million pieces when she passed away. I have
really felt her absence greatly in the last few years especially, but I know
she is my guardian angel and protecting me in every way possible.
You
spoke of your twin brother, and I was reading where he had been very protective
of you leading up to the Mid-Atlantic Super Spartan. I assume you still have a
very close relationship with him?
I am really close to all of my
siblings. I have an older sister, Kelley, a twin brother, Ryan, and a baby brother,
Teddy. We have a pseudo-brother named Phil who was never actually adopted but
pretty much grew up in my house, and I love him just the same as any of my
other brothers. Phil is the same age as Ryan and me.
Did
everyone "make it out" relatively well, with all that happened in
your household as children?
I was the only one who was abused,
thankfully. It took many, many years of therapy to work through everything that
happened to me. But, ultimately, these situations molded me into the person I
am today. I learned lessons from adversity and realize how common sexual abuse
is. I also realize how fortunate I am to come from a community with resources
and loving neighbors, and most importantly, how fortunate I am to come from
such a solid and loving family. My experiences growing up led me into the mission
work I was doing in college and after graduation. Eventually, I became an aid
worker, specifically working with orphans, refugees, and abused women and
children. The shelters I ran were almost completely made up of children who had
been sexually-trafficked, raped, tortured, and abused. I was so blessed to have
parents who loved me and to have my Nana by my side. Most people do not have
that. It was an honor to pass on the lessons I learned, and in turn, those
children taught me lessons I would have otherwise never learned about life,
love, hope and perseverance.
Can
you tell me a little more about your father?
My Pops has been clean and sober
since March of 1988, when I was in the fifth grade. In fact, he came out of
rehab on Saint Patty's Day. If an Irish alcoholic/addict can stay sober in the
streets of New York City on Saint Patrick's Day, then he can surely stay sober
every other day of the year, too! [laughs]
When my Pops came out of rehab he swallowed his pride and was willing to do
whatever it took to pick my family back up. He started at rock bottom but was
never too proud to do what had to be done to correct his wrongdoings. After a
series of small jobs my father finally landed a job as a limo driver, taxiing
around many of my friends' families. Presently, my father is more successful
than ever before. He also saves lives with his success story against drugs and
alcohol. My mom also struggled with her own addiction. We had an intervention
on my mom during my senior year in high school, because she was drinking two
bottles of wine every night. I am forever inspired by my mom for accepting her
problem and doing everything she had to do to keep us together as a family. My
mom was a warrior during my father's addiction, but even heroes need to take
time for their selves every now and then. Both of my parents are healthier and
happier than ever before, and I thank God daily for giving them the strength
they needed to remain sober. Watching my Mom and Dad defeat the demons which
were enslaving them taught me more life lessons than having grown up in another
environment ever could have.
You
truly know what it is to be able to take the worst of situations and count your
blessings. It’s amazing how healing can come about through such trials and
tribulations –so incredibly proverbial.
Todd has always said, "I would
much rather lose fifty percent of my blessings and be one hundred percent aware
of them, than to have all of my blessings and never even know."
Yes!
That is definitely golden! Now your involvement in sports when you were
younger...do you look back and see it as a coping mechanism?
Yes, I come from a long-line of
athletes and both of my parents were always very athletic. My father was
actually running marathons during his addiction –which is pretty impressive now
that I think about it. He was always a coach for our teams. When he was getting
sober he lived in an apartment in New York City, while we were in Jersey, and
we could only see him if we had a game. After a while we realized that if we
got onto the traveling sports teams then we would have two games a week.
Thus
seeing him more, right?
Right, and then it turned into wanting
to be awesome when he saw us, so we could make him proud. So, between my
brothers and sister and me, we had some good competitive drive. We all wanted
to be the best and have the most assists or even score the game-winning goal,
shot, or touchdown. We even used to dribble basketballs to school in the
morning. [laughs]
That's
pretty clever; I would dare say that otherwise purposed dedication ultimately
molded all of your athleticism. Sports
seem to have been a huge part of your life...
During my senior year in high
school, I was captain of Varsity field hockey, basketball and lacrosse and had
been on a summer swim and tennis team since the age of five. I was also
president of my church youth group, president of my high school Varsity Club,
secretary of my senior class, secretary of the Irish Club, and involved in
pretty much every kind of "helping hands" club that helped the less
fortunate. Being a part of so many activities helped boost my self esteem while
reminding me of all the goodness in the world. I felt like I had turned the
tides on my own adversity. Looking back I realize how important these
activities are to children and teens. They were my therapy and helped keep me
strong and healthy in mind, body and soul.
After you began doing work in other
countries, surely your athletic activities and pursuits diminished, but were
you ever able to find time to get out and do anything?
Oh no, I was even more athletic in
my travels [laughs]
Oh,
really?
I was helping to build homes, always
walking everywhere, teaching teams of little girls from the neighborhoods including
the ones from my shelters how to play sports, I ran about six to nine miles a
day, was always carrying heavy things, holding babies, and sometimes carrying
people to where they needed to go. Then, when I lived near the ocean I would
take every opportunity to swim, surf, build sandcastles, and run on the beach
as the sun set.
That
is such an ideal from another time and place –an athlete being an integral and
functional part of a community. Sadly, it seems so culturally abstract in this
country.
I truly loved what I was doing. I
had healed from my own spiritual wounds and my mind, body and soul were in
perfect harmony. My favorite time was the four years I spent in Yucatan, Mexico.
I ran an orphanage for little girls, ages six through fourteen, and taught
Spanish re-enforcement classes to children who speak Mayan in the villages. I
also used to make money by schooling macho men on the basketball court. They
saw me as a smiley, bubbling, ditzy Gringa, so I would just laugh and play
along and challenge them to a shooting contest. Obviously the whole barrio
would come out to see what was about to happen. Obviously those dudes had no
idea that I was awesome at shooting contests [laughs], so I would beat them, get some pesos to buy my girls ice
pops, and most importantly, show everyone that women can do just as many things
as men, if not better. One thing that really crushes people when they get
injured or very sick is the feeling that they didn't take full advantage of
every opportunity to live fully. I was very fortunate to have been able to
follow my heart and take the road less traveled. By living on less than a
dollar a day in my travels, I was able to meet some of the most beautiful
people in the world. I learned countless lessons about how to smile in the face
of adversity from the very people who left their footprints on my heart. I was
in a beautiful place spiritually and was extremely inspired, motivated, and
driven when my first accident happened. I never wasted a day and knew that the
light in our souls define us; not what we look like, how much money we make, or
how we get from one place to another. I knew that a person can be disabled by
chance, but you can be enabled by choice.
I
love that last line. All too often when people are at their lowest, rather than
rising up they wallow in their despair and want to point a finger at others. Do
you want to get back to Central/South America?
Latin America is not an accessible
place. I missed my loved ones in Mexico so much, but I didn't want to go back
and visit and not be able to get from point A to point B. I also didn't want
the children to worry about me or see me "broken" spiritually. They
pay attention to the light in a person's smile and eyes, and I knew it would
crush them if I went back to visit before I was one hundred percent whole again
spiritually. It's crazy how life works. First I helped heal their wounds, and
then they healed mine. Being able to go back to Mexico to visit and to be
strong enough to pick up babies and bend down and hug people and to crutch or
wheel through villages is the main driving point in all of my physical therapy.
By
saying “visit”, do you intend to resume any sort of work there?
Todd and I want to go down to Mexico
and visit disabled children in public orphanages. Down there if you are
quote-unquote, disabled, often times you just get dumped in a shelter. If
you're lucky, in many places you may sleep on a slab of cardboard. Mobility
aids are non-existent. We are so fortunate in the U.S. to have access to the
internet and to be able to see stories of people overcoming extreme adversity
--whether it's a comeback from a life-threatening illness, or obesity, or an
abusive relationship, or a terrible accident, we can find those stories and be
inspired by their courage and light. In many countries, however, once you
become disabled physically, you are deemed worthless and useless. So, Todd and
I are going to visit all my favorite places in Mexico, and most importantly,
visit these children who are all alone. We want them to see that just because
bad things happen to you, doesn't mean that you still don't have worth. And,
just because you may have some physical challenges, doesn't mean that you can't
be epic and awesome in your own way. We want to see what the need is for mobility
aids and then come back stateside and funnel resources and mobility aids to these
children. Both Todd and I realize how fortunate we are to have access to the
mobility aids, braces, and equipment that we need to be as mobile and badass as
we dream to be, and we want to ensure that other children have this ability as
well.
Are
there charities that you can use to as a vehicle to funnel funds for mobility
aids, or are you working at setting up your own? I'm sure the infrastructure
and coordination would be unbelievable…
There are great charities around,
but unfortunately, I learned while I was away that so many charities mismanage
funds, and often times, very little of the actual donations make it to the
intended recipients. Down the road, it will be much easier to actually be the
ones in control of the funds, so we can ensure that one hundred percent of them
are going to the right person or persons. Our own NGO is definitely something
in the plans for the future.
How
often do you do physical therapy right now?
I have been doing about four to six
hours of physical therapy, about five days a week, for four years. I was still
using a wheelchair when, in June of 2012, I joined the New York Sports Club, an
able-bodied gym, and completely took
my life and my recovery into my own hands. I felt really awkward when I first wheeled my way into the gym. It felt
like the "oontz oontz" music stopped and everyone was looking at me,
wondering what I was doing there. I knew that I could stand if I leaned on
something, so I made my way to the treadmill. I had it on the lowest speed, and
everyone was watching. I took a step with my good leg, my left leg and then
picked up my body by holding onto the sidebars and swinging my hips as hard as
I could, which in turn flung my right leg forward. I was putting all of my
weight on my arms and shoulders, so my right leg flopped onto the treadmill,
but I don't even know if it actually touched. Then, I took another solid step
with my left leg and BOOM! I just took steps on a treadmill!
Wow! That's so awesome!
There were trainers helping me too.
I stayed at that gym for hours that
day. I think I may have walked two tenths of a mile, but you would have thought
I had won an Olympic Gold Medal! It was a really unbelievably awesome
accomplishment: I realized that I could go farther on a treadmill than on my
crutches, because I didn't have the carpal tunnel problems, and it didn't hurt
my back the way crutching on land does. I also started seeing me getting toned
again. I realized that I would no longer remember the anniversaries of my
accidents. So, the real “alive day” for me was the day I joined the gym, because
that's the day I finally let my heart take the wheel. Inspiration became my
motivation.
So
you really came out of the accidents swinging then…
Well…I hit a really dark patch
during from winter of 2009 into the summer of 2010.
So
this was right after the accidents?
About a year after my accidents. I
was hearing that I would never run again, that my days of being an aid worker
were over with, I was in a wheelchair, trapped in lawsuits, and I thought I had
worked through everything bad associated with being abused…but when you have
traumatic brain injuries, you lose your ability to filter and sort through
emotions…so, things that I had compartmentalized and were just lying dormant in
the back of my mind, came out one hundred percent. It felt like a cruel joke, because
I had been a good person and had risen above what happened to me when I was
younger, and had been using it to help other people going through extreme
adversity…but all of the sudden my body had been taken from me again. Men I
didn't know came out of nowhere and crushed me in my accidents. I found myself
back in the same exact room I had been abused in, on bed rest for months and
months and months…
I
hadn’t considered that side-effect of brain injury. I can’t imagine the anguish of
revisiting the abuse…
So many of the same emotions flooded out and engulfed me. I
felt disgusting, dirty, and worthless. I couldn't even look at myself in the
mirror.
Was
it a "Why God? Why me?" situation? With the filter gone...how does
one rationalize all of it? Who did you turn to?
Yes, I felt like, “What’s the point in living?” I felt like
no matter what I did, I was going to be in that same room, voiceless, with no
one to help me again, because even with therapy and surgeries, certain injuries
may not heal. I felt that if I was back there all over again with everything
that I had done and who I had become taken from me…then I just wanted to end my
life. In the past, I could go for a run or a walk, but I was just trapped in my
bed with emotions that felt like they were slicing my soul into pieces. I
didn't want to talk about it because then it would be even more real and no one
could help me. I couldn't even help me.
How did life progress after you those
months of bed rest?
I dated a guy who, after meeting his
parents and having dinner with them, told him that "he deserved better
than a crippled girl" and that "he was obviously settling for someone
who is going to be handicapped forever." I didn't know who the person was that
everyone saw me as; what I did see I hated. It was confusing because I knew who
I was, and I had done amazing things and lived a beautiful life in the years
before my accidents –and then, all of the sudden in public people only saw my
chair or crutches. I never imagined how cruel people could be.
How
did you finally turn things around? Was it therapy?
I realized that I needed to focus on
what made me happy and simply avoid anything that could hurt me. I went into
survival mode and thought about all the things I would do when I was better. I
made a Hope Board; a poster board filled with post-it notes. Each note had a
dream or goal of mine written on it. The point of this was to always see what I was working towards,
to always remember the bigger picture, and to keep my eyes on the prize. I
started doing random acts of kindness for people, even from my bedside, and instantly
felt better! I realized that even though my body was broken, my soul was
intact. Doing nice things for other people removed me from my own situation and
made me feel like the old me. After awhile, I realized that if I started
learning lessons every day, even if it was a bad day, then I was blessed. I
started to thank the universe for both the good and the bad. I started to tap
into the warrior inside of me. I started to fight as hard for my own recovery
as I would for someone else’s. I started to love myself again.
So
after time, were you finally just able to reflect on your own and realize that
it was the traumatic brain injury that had broken down your coping mechanisms
and had brought the emotional trauma back?
I was seeing a neuropsychologist who
so happened to specialize in dual traumas. I actually didn't see him until
about a year later when I had pulled myself out of the hole. The suicide percent
rate is in the upper nineties experts think for victims of sexual abuse who
have Traumatic Brain Injury.
That’s
a frightening statistic…
He told me he wants me to travel to
conferences with him with my testimony to try to help people who are trapped in
that dark place. I had tried to find resources online, but it was only victims
of sexual abuse or TBI. I started meeting women who had been abused and now
have breast cancer and their feelings were the same as mine were in that dark
place.
Is
it possible to say that you've recovered from your brain injury? Or does is
affect you on a day to day basis?
No, I am not recovered from my TBI. That's what affects me
the most. I get migraines every day, I
lose my sight, I throw up from the
vertigo –it’s really the worst. I
wouldn't wish it upon anyone.
I learned something really important
over the last few years. At the end of our lives, I believe that all of our
pain is the same. If you were to look at my life five years ago I was on top of
the world. You would never know what I had been through or what I would go
through. Or if you saw my friend Matty on Sept 10th, 2001, he was on top of the
world and had everything going for him. Matty worked for Cantor Fitz and didn't
make it out of the towers on 9/11. If you looked at Todd four years ago, he was
also on top of the world. If you were to visit him three years ago in the hospital
after he stepped on an IED and lost both legs and part of one arm, you would
think his life was over. Now if you look at Todd, he is back on top of the world
and so am I. The difference is that most people's biggest wounds cannot be seen
because they only scar the soul. What differentiates one life from another
however is what you do with that
pain? Do you use it to belittle, hurt, and put down others? Or, do you use it
to uplift, inspire and better others?
Oh
most definitely. I believe that emotional pain is energy that can be harnessed
and used positively…
Exactly! I think this life is simply
a graduate school for our souls. We are all tested in various ways, every day,
and as long as we continually learn lessons from adversity…
Unbreakable,
right?
Then NOTHING can break you…
Aha!
YES! Jinx! [laughs]
That
was coincidental!
Nothing is coincidental!
Very
true!
By recognizing that everyone is fighting their own battle on
any given day, we should learn to treat others with kindness, compassion, and
love. Use your pain to lessen someone else's even if you don't know what their
battle is. I believe we are all here to teach and to learn.
Your
ideals are very transcendental, and as I look around in our society, sadly,
they seem very foreign. However, they are in your case long-learned…
Well, my biggest battle was one of forgiveness. I started by
forgiving the people who abused me and by forgiving anyone who maybe didn't
help me when I needed it back then. There is a quote: "Hate is too big of
a burden to bear.” Then I forgave the elderly man who ran me over. I realized
that I cannot truly heal if I am holding onto darkness and negative energy. Then
I forgave the guy from my first accident, which was a lot harder to do than
forgiving the man who ran me over. Finally, and perhaps the most difficult, was
forgiving the wife of the man who ran me over.
The
wife?
She was there that day and tried to
stuff me into her car and pay me twenty dollars to not call the police. He was
overly medicated and should never have been behind the wheel. she was younger
than him, in her sixties perhaps, and just not ideal in any way. I learned
about her character, because I was trapped in lawsuits with her and read all of
the witness reports. I felt sick to my stomach every time someone asked me
about my accidents, not because of the accidents so much as that I had to think
of her. Letting go of that anger and hurt was liberating. In fact, I actually
finally let go of all of that darkness while in the mountains of Wintergreen,
during the Virginia Super Spartan in August.
I read your blog about that day. You
clearly seemed to emerge from a spiritual chrysalis…
I do not want any negative situation
to define me. I define me. Baggage is not cool. Plus, how the heck am I
supposed to dominate the tractor pull with additional baggage from a lifetime
of hurts?? The answer is simple: I could not.
The lawsuits are over now?
Yes. There were two huge lawsuits. I didn't give up even
though the defense dragged them out for as long as possible –which felt
violating in every way. It made healing very difficult, because you are
constantly being pulled back into the past and into the darkness. But, I won big-time,
which was therapeutic for my old wounds from the past, because for the first
time ever someone had hurt me and had to own up to it.
Good.
Good for you. Is that part then over for you? I mean...do you finally have a
sense of resolve?
I learned to accept the apologies I
will never receive; a massive life lesson I’ve learned from all of this.
That's
an interesting statement...how does one do that?
I would say that…people hold onto
pain, because they want answers…they want revenge. They want to know that the
person made a mistake and is sorry, for cheating romantically, or in a work
setting, or in a friendship. The truth is, for most of us those apologies will
never come. We are all on different journeys and alternate life paths.
That’s very interesting...so it’s a
cognitive actualization of unique life paths. That’s pretty spiritual…yet it’s also
a difficult pill to swallow, because people want that "closure" and
you're saying it’s okay never getting it...
Yes. It’s accepting that the apology won’t come and maybe
the people who hurt us will breathe their last breath and not feel remorse; it
is very healing, because you stop wishing for it, and waiting for it, and
working towards it, and basing your happiness off of it. When you accept the
apology you may never receive, you take control back. Your serenity or
happiness no longer depends on them --it depends on you. When you start
realizing that no one else is to blame for your unhappiness, you start taking
solid steps to fix that. You start living and breathing to better and uplift
your soul. Our pain prevents us from fully loving others, and more importantly,
ourselves. Each wound is a brick that eventually forms a wall around our hearts.
Loving
oneself...THAT can be tough. Let me ask, because self-image is a HUGE issue
with all of us; when did you look in the mirror and start loving yourself
again? Getting past the cruelty around you...
My teeth were not scathed in either
accident. I took this as a direct sign from the Universe to smile no matter
what. So, for starters, I stopped surrounding myself by people who made me feel
bad about myself; people who only talked about themselves and complained and
were negative. I also realized that certain TV shows made me feel badly. I
started becoming very aware of what my regular daily routines did for my soul.
If they didn't uplift or inspire me and brought me down at all, I cut them out.
Watching inspiring YouTube videos or an amazing documentary did wonders for my
soul, so I did more of that.
That
is something lacking in most people’s lives: true soul food. They don't
understand how they consume a constant diet of poison from television and other
negative sources.
Right, and speaking of food, I
wasn't eating well. I realized that I was fueling my mind, body and soul with
processed junk.
During
the bed rest period from the winter of 2009 to the summer of 2010?
Yes. No one brings you steamed
veggies when you're injured. They send cupcakes and cookies. I started
realizing that sugary foods fuel depression and also induce migraines. I didn't
want to take all the prescription stuff my doctors thought would heal me. I
thought of all the elderly people in the rainforest who were healthy and happy
and glowing, and they fueled themselves with all natural medicine. I started
eating clean and controlling what I could control. Desperation happens when we
feel like we have lost total control. Happiness comes from controlling what we
can and accepting what we cannot. And, it turned out I could still control a
lot. I could take steps in a positive direction even if I was in a wheelchair
and not actually stepping at all. You see, as a society, we place our happiness
in other people's hands. We blame everyone for our unhappiness…so…how about you
just clear the slate? Wipe that bad boy clean and start over. Reboot your soul.
I
love it! That’s an excellent way to say it…
You will never find happiness or
love in something outside of yourself. You need to light that fire within your
own soul and then you can share the flames with others, and the more you share,
the more you have. I’ve learned that it takes the same amount of energy to be
positive and happy, as it does to be negative and mean. When I began to focus on the good in the world and in others, I
felt so much better about life in
general. When I removed the negative influences in my life, it left room for
unlimited awesome people, and since then, nothing but incredible things have
happened and continue to happen. I guarantee if others did the same, they would
have the same results. I promise.
Amanda,
I can’t thank you enough for this time that we’ve spent talking this morning. Everything
you've said is quite profound. I can’t wait to speak with you in the near
future about your recent re-emergence as an athlete and what is in store for
you for in 2014.
You are amazing! Thank you for
talking with me!
Is
there anything else you’d like to add?
I would like to end by saying this: people
always ask me if I will be how I was before I got injured. And, the truth is, I
will not. I will be even better. I already am. BOOM.
You can read more about Amanda's accidents and her recent journeys through racing in her words at this Spartan Race Journal and this Be Epic! blog post.
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